Overwhelmed
My Chinese teacher asked me today how I think I’ve changed since I moved to Asia over six years ago. This is something that’s been on my mind quite a lot lately. My mom has always told me that I think too much and I suppose she’s right. Six years! Sometimes I don’t recognize myself at all. There’s a huge difference between the Carrie who moved here six years ago and the Carrie you know today.
Since moving to Taiwan, I’ve realized how little I knew when I moved to Asia. Looking back on those years I realize how young, inexperienced and naive I was. Somewhere over here, I made the jump between being a girl and becoming a woman. I was still very much in my wild 20’s. Now things have mellowed a bit. I’m more interested in pursuing my creative interests. Music, art, photography, travel, language and a keen interest in culture all play a major role in my life these days.
Despite all this, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by everything at the moment. My friend, Beka, just got married earlier this week. My best friend, Joanna, has just left for the summer. Another good friend of mine, Sarah, is five months pregnant. Most of my friends are married with kids and a home and I’m sitting here wondering where all that time went and how we all grew up so fast.
I’ve always been the kind of person who goes against the grain. My life choices have brought me to some pretty unique places and I’ve had some incredible experiences because I haven’t been afraid to take risks. Yet the biggest risk I’m taking right now is against time. John and I are quickly reaching that point where we need to make a decision about where we want to be. Do we stay in Asia or go back to North America?
If I had to answer this question today, I’d say I want to stay in Asia. I love my life here. Asia is deep under my skin. But knowing the answer to this question makes me wonder if I’ve made a mistake with this life I’ve chosen. I’m coming to terms with the fact that I’m not going to be one of those people who settles down with kids, a husband and a house, and I’m finding that idea a little harder to let go of than I thought. I don’t want it, but I feel like I should want it. I wonder if there’s something wrong with wanting to be able to do what I’m doing for the rest of my life, or if I’m going to regret it later on when it’s too late to do anything about.
Do I play it safe or keep taking these wild leaps?
Hey Carrie! I know how you feel. I struggled with this a couple years ago myself. My advice? You’re young. If your to-be husband is on the same page as you, do all that you can before the kids come. That’s what my married friends keep telling us.
A tough question: Do you think you’re more of a person (i.e., you’d grow more) being in Asia than otherwise?
whoooeee… Deep topic! Thanks for being so open!
Keep taking those wild leaps. You’ll never grow unless you do. But, what in this case is the wild leap? Have you grown too comfortable in Asia? It almost seems that heading back to North America would be more of a challenge. (Though, I’m not advocating for moving back to North America just to fit in with the Jones’)
Btw, you’re getting funny errors when replying with this form.
Answer the kids question first and you’ll have your answer.
I’d tell you but that wouldn’t be any fun. If you and John on the same page it’s an easy one. If not talk some more and see where that takes you.
as others have mentioned… you and John on the same page is #1 most important.
But I do want to add… as a father of 4… kids only slow you down if you buy into the lie that kids will slow you down. Of course they affect our life… there are things we can’t do any longer… but there is so much more that we get to do now! A huge net gain, imo.
Kids are extremely resilient… love to learn… always feel safe if mom and dad are with them… don’t eat much… and travel well with a bit of preparation. They love to pull their own luggage around. They are great travel buddies actually - except maybe when they are potty training! lol
I don’t really know you… except from your blog… but I’m surprised that “play it safe” is really an option for you! I say… leap wildly with your family no matter its size.
Hi Arex,
Thanks for stopping by again. I’ve enjoyed communicating with you over the past couple of weeks. Your friendship is another thing I can thank Twitter for!
Neither John nor I are ready for kids. That’s the problem. We’re both very content with what we’re doing, but my clock is ticking. I admit, I think about it a lot.
Regarding your question, I think I grew up faster in Asia than I would have in Ottawa. Asia forced me to be completely independent for the first time and gave me a world of experience and confidence I wouldn’t have found in Ottawa.
Elizabeth,
You’re right. The thought of going back to North America is a little frightening for me, nainly because I’m not going back to Canada. I’d be moving to the States with John and starting all over again. That in itself, will be a big leap for both of us, because we’ve become accustomed to life in Asia.
The leap at this point is making a firm decision on our future plans. Either way, it’s a huge move to make. There are just as many reasons for staying as there are for going. At this point, we’re looking at staying because we’re both considering going back to school next fall (September 2009) in Taiwan. If that happens, having a family will be put on hold for another two years and I’ll be 36 by then. Starting a family at the age of 36 is also a bit frightening.
I’ve been to Ottawa quiet a number of times. Yeah, I think your decision of leaving that sleepy town was definitely the right one! (No offense to Ottawans, but seriously, there’s not much to do there!)
Even after I spent only 2 months in China back in 2000 (a love/hate relationship), when I came back my heart stayed in Asia. There’s something about it that N. America will never be, good or bad. It’s a hard decision either way. But yeah, I agree with @sqjtaipei that kids are resilient–I know a few non-Asian families raised in Taiwan/China. In the long run, don’t let that be your deal breaker.
If it will help (or further complicate things) I recently met a person in Vancouver and she’s very envious of all that we have here in the States–mostly shopping and food-related. The grass is greener on the other side?
Hey Hon.
I asked myself that the other day, people keep on asking if I am going to settle down, have kids, heck even get a boyfriend. I have to say even after all my travels, the wanderlust is still there. I just started a job as a portrait photographer in St John’s, NL. But like you I want to focus on my art and dancing.
I don’t know if I want the big house and the kids. I am so used to just having me. I think one of these days I will find the answer, but untill then.
Keep taking those leaps babe, I know I will.
Decisions, decisions…
Home is where the heart is. I know for me, I could never return to North America. I no longer consider that an option. This is where I want to be, this is the place in my heart. But that’s me.
It’s hard to break-free of societal norms. We’re culturally trained from birth to chase a dream of property, employment and meaningless 9-to-5 jobs in order to keep up with the Joneses.
What will make you the happiest, Carrie? Where is your heart? I wish you the best of luck with your decision.
Hello Carrie,
First of all, I wanted to say, thanks for stopping my blog.
Hmm .. I’m trying to express here what I’m thinking, feeling.
You know, in my homecountry, most Indonesians want their children to have kids soon after getting married. If not, they’re afraid that others will think too bad like they can’t make kids. How narrow-minded they are, I think. When I was in Canada, I saw there were some ppl chose not to having kids, because they don’t want to have them, indeed, maybe they want to go traveling, or don’t want to be tired of looking after children, etc. I was surprised by what they thought like that.
I’m 30’s old already, will turn 31 in next November, but am not ready to get married yet. When I went back to my country, there were some ppl asked me to get married soon before getting older because the more old, the more tired of looking after children. Yes, I think it’s true, sometimes. However, I’m not really ready for that.
About where to settle down, I, honestly, am confused by why you’re more interested in staying in Asia because I don’t think I stay in Asia, hahaha Yes, I know cost of living in Indonesia is cheaper. I like clean places, quit places (not heavy traffic, for example), safe places (not 100% safe, though) in Canada, so I can go alone or being a solo traveler in Canada, America, and Europe. Not in Asia, I’m not allowed to go alone. Sigh !!
To be honest, sometimes I’m afraid of not understanding your blog, so I’m doubt to express or not. Hehehe.
Okay, Thanks.
Carrie,
One more, I forgot not to telling that
Thankfully to my parents because they never force me to getting married soon.
Yes !!
Arex,
Oh, but I love Ottawa and there’s loads to do there, you just need to know where to go. Every season is beautiful and Ottawa is a green city; everyone is environmentally-friendly. There are loads of beautiful parks to choose from, the underground music scene is hopping, patios are in abundance as well as numerous festivals throughout the year that make it wonderful place to hang out. The thing I love most about Ottawa are the people. Friendly, down-to-Earth and not snobby in the slightest bit. Plus, summers are grand because you can drive out of the city in an direction and you’ll find lakes and hiking trails within a 40 minutes drive. I miss Ottawa very much.
I love Asia for just as many reasons, but of course, this is what my blog is about, so I won’t go into details here.
Regarding your last comment, do you mean you met a Canadian girl who is envious of Americans? Hmmm….that’s interesting.
Michelle,
First off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Aren’t you the sweetest for dropping by my world on your special day! I’m glad you understand my dilemma. John and I are very happy just being ‘us’. We have talked about kids but it all seems so far away. I wish I could be 27 again and have another five years to decide. LOL.
Stevo,
Same with me. This is home and this is where my heart is, but I’m also aware of how transient life is in Asia. That’s part of the addiction and part of the problem.
I left Canada because I wanted to explore and more than anything, wanted out of the rat race. I woke up one morning and looked at what I was doing and thought, “Is this it? Is this what I’m going to do with myself for the rest of my life?”
Without a doubt, I’m happiest where I am right now.
Farra,
Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. I know you’ve been reading My Several Worlds and I’m thrilled to see you here in print! It’s interesting. Most of my readers aren’t native English speakers, I think it’s great that people, like yourself, are slowly gaining the courage to leave comments. Nothing makes me happier!
I’m a bit late with my comment (workload went up so blog reading time went down). When making difficult decisions, I always go with my gut feeling. Almost literally sometimes, if my stomach feels sick I know it’s wrong. If it feels right I go for it. I know it may seem like an easy, nonchalant approach to things, and many people often don’t understand the (inconvenient) choices that I make. But so far I can say I don’t have any regrets. So I guess up till now it’s working out for me.
I haven’t had to face the kids question though, I bet that’ll be a though one.
I wish I could give you advice, but everyone handles these things their own way. I wouldn’t worry too much about it, and just see how it feels to be back in North America later this year: you may miss Asia, you may want to stay there.
I’m late in responding Kim. Better late then never!
And I’m late for the same reason you are. Even better!
I try to go with my gut feelings too, so I know exactly what you’re talking about. I’ve never had regrets, but I keep asking myself, “What if?” I can’t help it.
I’ve got a friend who live abroad. He has the same problem as you. He’s accustomed to that kind of lifestyle but he’s homesick too.
Stay on Taiwan or back to the America - it’s really hard decision but I’m sure that your intuition won’t fail you. When time is come you will choose the best option.
Hi K!
Your kind words and support are always greatly appreciated. Thanks again for your friendship.